Reloaded

Yep.
I'm back.

Mann... I've kinda realized something.
When I don't talk here...
I talk a lot with other people.
A LOT.
And the worst part is...
I'm don't exactly like most of them.

It's mainly their stupidity that I don't approve of.

Anyway,
let's see now...

Since my last post,
I've begun working as a computer
technician in a secondary school...

Inadvertently fallen in love (I HATE using this word, but well, yeah...)
with someone I loathe...

And in 2 weeks to a month,
am gonna find out if I'm gonna
end up in a maximum security prison.

Yep.
My life is STILL a damn sitcom.

Work's fine so far...
until I get charged that is.
IF I get charged.
I'll talk about that later.

So who is this person that
I've fallen for?

She's an English language teacher...
who can be extremely annoying.



It's her personality, man.
She's also pretty smart (kinda rare to find a smart Singaporean)(trust me).
And that accent.
And the way she walks.
And the way she smiles.
And the way she- ok2... you get the idea.

I tried to ask her out...
and failed miserably.

What can I say?
I suck at this kinda thing!

First,
I asked her out point blank
if she were going to the school musical.

She said maybe, then smiled and walked away.

About 2 to 3 weeks later, after much hesitation,
I tried to get us alone
so I could let her know that I was interested in her...

Instead,
I ended up doing it through sms.

Ah yes... brilliant.

She told me she didn't have a boyfriend (YESS!!)...
then kept me guessing for about 3 weeks.

Oh mann... and me being me...
I was bugging her throughout
that time to let me know if the feeling's mutual.

Why, you ask?
Sure I'll tell you!
That's right, I am a nice guy.
Now shut the hell up.

The reason for my bugging her
was that I was so damn confident someone
as beautiful and intelligent as her
wouldn't be even remotely interested in
a balding Pakistani with visible acne scars
who thinks that Warcraft is just awesome.

Warcraft IS awesome, by the way.

In the end,
I got an sms message from
her which kinda implied that
I was stupid for not realizing sooner that
she wasn't interested.

I gotta say, it hurt.

So what did I do?

Ignored her.
Completely.

Hell, she even smiled
at me and the moment I realized it was her,
I looked away and walked past by as fast as possible (not unlike a cartoon character on Crack).

I don't know...
guess I thought she was condescending to me.

Maybe she was.
The thing that sucks most about this
is that I'll probably never know now.

When I found out last week
that it could be my last day on Wednesday,
I figured I'll just go ahead and apologise...

I even got her a cheap stuffed bear (hey! YOU try finding a better one at 8am!).

As I was talking to her,
she said that she had to rush off (she didn't)(can't really blame her)...

So instead of giving the speech I had
practised the night before...

In a hasty attempt
to explain my situation
without going into detail,
I had blurted out
that the coming weekend could seriously
"mess me up".

She didn't seem to care at all.

Lame though it may sound (and yes, I'm well aware of how lame this entire post is)...
it hurt.
Bad.

Guess she didn't mind that I was leaving fast.
Didn't matter what happened to me.

And yes... yes... I know.. why would she?

The weekend came and left slowly.
It did kinda mess me up.
It was when I found out that
I could be ending up in prison soon...

When I saw her on Monday,
I couldn't help thinking
that maybe, she thought
I had lied to her to get sympathy or something.

There was nothing much I could do about it so I didn't do anything.

It hit me last night
that I'd be needing a tutor
for Literature In English (I'm re-taking my O-Levels).

Since my first choice
was about to get married (didn't wanna bother her)
and the 2nd one had given me a I-will-give-notes-but-don't-you-expect-me-to-
tutor-you vibe...

I had no choice but to turn to the only other 'English Language Major' I knew...

So I waited until her class was over to
ask if she'd be willing to
forget about everything I'd done
and just help me...

Without help, I will fail.
And in my current situation,
I can't afford a proper
tutor from an agency.

I needed a friend.

When she came out and realized I was waiting for her...

Hoo Boy! She bolted!
I mean literally.
As much as she could in a long skirt...

Ok... though I really like her...
she kinda resembled a frantic penguin
as she weaved through the students to get to
the teachers' room...

I called out. She ignored me.

Unfortunately for her,
I can move pretty fast too.
And I was in running shoes so... heh.

When I finally caught up with her...
she tried to talk to the other teachers
in order to avoid having to even face me.

Again unfortunately,
she picked the wrong teachers.

They greeted me with enthusiasm.
I think by now she must have been panicking.

And as for me,
I was desperate to explain things.

So when she could no longer
ignore me...
she just blew me off my saying that she was extremely busy (she wasn't).

I don't know.
Again.
The hurt.
Ouch, man.

Maybe I deserved it.
She was clearly trying
to get away...
and I was like some kinda psycho coming after her.


Like I've said...
I suck at this kinda thing.

26 years old and having never been attached...
it's to be expected.

What she did was humiliating.

And STILL I'm into her.
Can't really explain why now.

That is how I've come to the conclusion
that I'm in love with her.
All the signs are there.
Those damn signs...

I've become one
of those pathetic,
ugly jackasses who pine endlessly
for the girl who will, without doubt,
end up with someone waaaay better than he is.

And I make fun of those people!
Regularly!
Dammit!!

So yeah...
now she won't even look at me.
I'll never be able to really explain what happened.
And of course,
there's no way we're ever
gonna talk the way we did
before I fucked up like I always do.

There are few people over there (despite the many educators)
who actually get my lame-ass jokes and laugh at them.

And to top it all off...
I might end up in Changi Prison
because of a few rich jackasses
who couldn't stand having their mistakes exposed.

I think I'll talk about it in my next post or something.

That's enough for now.